Boundaries: Protecting Your Time, Energy, and Relationships

By: Lindsay Kate Skinner MA, LPC, NCC

The night started like any other. Jake had just settled into the couch, ready to watch the game. His phone buzzed and it was another work email, this time marked “urgent.” He’d already worked a 10-hour day, but this was his boss. And in Jake’s mind, you don’t just ignore that. He thought about letting it wait until tomorrow, but the thought of disappointing someone or looking lazy made him grab his laptop. By the time he shut it, his kids were in bed and his wife was cleaning up the kitchen alone. Again. Jake told himself he was just being responsible and he was doing what he “had to do.” But deep down, he knew he was burned out.

Why Boundaries Are Hard for Many

At Apollo Counseling, we see this with people who feel pressure to provide, perform, and be dependable at all costs.

 Research from the American Psychological Association shows that men often face social expectations to prioritize work and productivity over rest and self-care. This “always available” mindset is associated with higher levels of chronic stress, burnout, and relational strain.

 Sometimes boundaries feel selfish, weak, or even risky. But the truth is:

Boundaries aren’t about being less responsible. They are about being more intentional.

They protect your mental and emotional health, so you can keep showing up in the ways that matter most.

What Boundaries Really Are

According to Dr. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability and connection, boundaries are the “clear lines” that help us remain authentic while protecting our emotional well-being.

Boundaries can look like:

- Saying no to a project when you’re already overbooked

- Setting a cutoff time for work emails (and sticking to it)

- Asking for space after a heated conversation instead of shutting down

- Blocking off a night each week for your family and treating it like a non-negotiable meeting

Why Boundaries Matter for Mental Health

Psychological research shows that poor boundaries are linked to higher stress hormone levels (cortisol), sleep disturbances, and increased risk of anxiety and depression.

Healthy boundaries:

1. Reduce stress and prevent burnout (Maslach & Leiter, 2016)

2. Improve relationship satisfaction (Markman & Rhoades, 2012)

3. Enhance work-life balance (Allen et al., 2014)

4. Model emotional health for children and peers

Myths Many Often Believe About Boundaries

🚫 “Real men push through, no matter what.”

✅ Real men know when they’re running on empty—and do something about it.

🚫 “If I say no, I’ll look weak.”

✅ Boundary-setting is associated with higher self-confidence and leadership effectiveness (Center for Creative Leadership, 2020).

🚫 “I’ll deal with it later.”

✅ Without clear limits, “later” rarely comes—and resentment builds, leading to conflict and disconnection.

How to Start Setting Boundaries (Evidence-Based Steps)

1. Check your stress signals. Notice physical cues like tension, headaches, irritability. These are early indicators you need a limit.

2. Identify your priorities. Research shows people with clear values find it easier to set and maintain boundaries.

3. Communicate clearly. Use “I” statements: “I’m not available after 6 p.m.” or “I need a few minutes to think before I respond.”

4. Expect discomfort. Change is often met with resistance from others and from yourself. This is normal.

5. Practice consistency. Studies show repeated reinforcement of a boundary is key to long-term change.

Conclusion

Boundaries aren’t about doing less. They’re about doing what matters most. They provide more focus, presence, and energy. Whether you’re leading a business, a team, or your own family, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Protecting your energy is one of the most responsible things you can do. At Apollo Counseling, we help people navigate the pressures of work, relationships, and identity—so they can set boundaries without guilt and lead lives they actually want to live.

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About the Author

Lindsay Kate Skinner is a dedicated professional at Apollo Counseling, where she combines her expertise in mental health with a genuine passion for supporting individuals on their journeys to well-being. Her approach emphasizes empathy and understanding, creating a safe space for clients to explore their thoughts and feelings. Lindsay Kate is committed to empowering those she works with, helping them to develop resilience and coping strategies that promote personal growth and healing. With a focus on holistic care, she strives to guide her clients toward achieving their goals and finding balance in their lives. Get Connected!